200 Best Funny Alcohol Quotes on You’ll Spit Out Your Drink

Best Funny Alcohol Quotes: Are you looking for some interesting and humorous quotes about drinking and alcohol? We have compiled some of the funniest alcohol quotes and sayings, as well as funny drinking quotes, images, and wallpapers so that you can take pleasure in the joyful moments that follow drinking. You have, therefore, arrived at the right location if you are seeking to lighten the mood with some humorous drinking references. These quotations will bring back memories of what it’s like to get tipsy and the embarrassment that comes along with drinking a little bit more than you should have.

We have all been there and suffered through at least one wild night brought on by the consumption of alcohol. So, here’s a toast to all the times you got home without getting hurt and all the hangovers you managed to get through. It is important to drink in moderation but also to do so with a reputable company. (Cheers.) Here is a collection of hilarious drinking quotes that are sure to get people talking.

1. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway

2. “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.”

3. “Alcohol You Later.”

Funny Beer Quotes about Funny Alcohol Captions Funny pictures

4. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

5. “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.” — Unknown

6. “Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway

7. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.”

Awesome Alcohol Quotes and Sayings

8. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”

9. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.”

10. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”

Funny Drinking Quotes Sayings and Captions Funny images

11. “One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.”

12. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL”

13. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”- Ernest Hemingway

14. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

15. “A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.”- Frank Lloyd Wright

16. “Because alcohol tastes better than tears.” — Unknown

17. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright

18. “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

19. “They say follow your heart and it led me to alcohol.” — Unknown

20. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats

21. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard

22. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”

23. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

24. “I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”- Brendan Behan

25. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

26. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright

Funny Drinking Quotes, Sayings and Captions

28. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi

29. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”- Kaiser Wilhelm

30. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner

31. “I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”- Brendan Behan

32. “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” -John Fletcher

33. “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best

34. “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.”

35. “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.”

36. “I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitter.”

37. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.” — Unknown

38. “May you always have love in your heart and beer in your belly.” — Unknown

39. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” — Unknown

40. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” — Oscar Wilde

41. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ― George F. Burns

42. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”

43. “Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.” — Unknown

44. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.”

45. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

46. “I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year’s eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.” — Unknown

47. “A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.”- Frank Lloyd Wright

48. “I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year’s eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.”

49. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.” — Unknown

50. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.”

51. “I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.”

52. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

Funny Beer Quotes

54. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”- John Churchill

55. “Trust me: You can dance — Alcohol.” — Unknown

56. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard

57. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” — John Churchill

58. “We drink and we die and continue to drink.”- Dennis Leary

59. “Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.”

60. “People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.”- Capital Brewery

61. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”

62. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

63. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”- Jack Handy

64. “Good people drink good beer.” — Hunter S. Thompson

65. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown

66. “I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.” — Unknown

67. “How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.” — Unknown

68. “I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.”

69. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”- Kaiser Wilhelm

70. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato

71. “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King

72. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato

73. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats

74. “Home is where the wine is.” — Unknown

75. “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson

76. “How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.”

77. “Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.”

78. “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson

79. “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.” — Unknown

80. “Act single, see double, drink triple.” — Unknown

Funny Wine Quotes

82. “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” -John Fletcher

83. “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.”

84. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Unknown

85. “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson

86. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.”

87. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin

88. “A party without alcohol is just a meeting.” — Unknown

89. “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.”

90. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” — Unknown

91. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur

92. “I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!” — Unknown

93. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur

94. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins

95. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash

96. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

97. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

98. “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson

99. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins

100. “Alcohol is a perfect solvent, it dissolves marriages, families and careers.” — Unknown

101. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi

102. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron

103. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.” — Unknown

Funny Alcohol Captions

105. “He that drinks fast, pays slow.”- Benjamin Franklin

106. “You put the fun in functioning alcoholic.”

107. “To me ‘Drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”

108. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”- Ernest Hemingway

109. “There are more old drunkards than old physicians.”- Bernard Shaw

110. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — Pope John XXIII

111. “Nothing in life is absolute only vodka.”

112. “Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life’s problems.”

113. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

114. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”-Oscar Wilde

115. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel

116. “Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.”

117. “Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.”

118. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash

119. “Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.” — Unknown

120. “Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.”

121. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin

122. “Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!”

123. “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”

124. “If smokers can have smoking breaks, why can’t I have drinking breaks.”

125. “My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.” — Unknown

126. “I said no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.”

127. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” — Steve Fergosi

128. “We drink and we die and continue to drink.”- Dennis Leary

129. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.”

130. “A party without alcohol is just a meeting.”

131. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” — Unknown

132. “Because alcohol tastes better than tears.”

133. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”- Steve Fergosi

134. “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.” — Unknown

135. “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best

136. “Friday is the beginning of my liver’s workweek.”

137. “Good friends make the world go round, but good beer makes the room go round.”

138. “I am a drinker with writing problems.” — Brendan Behan

139. “They say follow your heart and it led me to alcohol.”

140. “Nothing in life is absolute — only vodka.” — Unknown

141. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.”

142. “Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!” — Unknown

143. “Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”

144. “My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.”

145. “To me ‘Drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.” — Unknown

146. “One tequila two tequila three takillya floor”

147. “Save the earth, its the only planet with beer.”

Champagne, Vodka, And Whiskey Quotes

149. “Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!” – Eleanor Early

150. “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.” — Unknown

151. “Friday is the beginning of my liver’s work week.” — Unknown

152. “Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life’s problems.” — Unknown

153. “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler

154. “Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient Champagne.”—Dorothy Parker

155. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

156. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — Unknown

157. “I realize I may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I’d rather be someone’s shot of Tequila anyway.”

158. “Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway

159. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown

160. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.”- Bette Davis

161. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” — Unknown

162. “Alcohol, what’s that? It’s not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.”

Humorous Alcohol Quotes And Sayings

164. “Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.” — Unknown

165. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, That’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”- Frank Sinatra

166. “When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.”

167. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”- Humphrey Bogart

168. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.”

169. “The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.”- William Temple

170. “Dear Alcohol, we had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.”

171. “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits

172. “I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!” — Unknown

173. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.” — Unknown

174. “Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become beer but didn’t.”

175. “I try to convince myself that it’s the alcohol talking. But alcohol can’t talk. It just sits there. It can’t even get itself out of the bottle.”- David Levithan

176. “When you accidentally pour too much alcohol into your mixed drink and you have to just deal with it because your mother didn’t raise a quitter.”

177. “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” Francois Rabelais

178. “Drinking is not a solution, unless we’re talking about alcohol.”

179. “Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”

180. “I have made an important discovery… that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.” – Oscar Wilde

181. “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.” -Dave Barry

182. “They say so many people die because of alcohol. Ironically, they never realized how many of them are born because of it.”

183. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? You know there’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”—Drew Carey

184. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

185. “Alcohol does not solve problems, but then again, neither does milk.”

186. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

187. “Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I’m not in a hurry.”

188. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.”

189. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”-Winston Churchill

190. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton

191. “Alcohol – Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.”

192. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner

193. “I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. Lewis

194. “I realized I was drinking too much, So I decided to cut down, I now only drink on days ending in Y.”

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